January 20, 2020

I was talking with a female friend recently who just entered into a new relationship with a man. How they met each other was unplanned but happened at a very special, fortuitous event. They are both basking in the a...

September 7, 2019

It’s spring 2009 in Portland, Oregon. My partner, David, and I are nestled close under the covers with a laptop on our shared lap. It’s pitch black in our room except for the light pulsating from the screen.

We are w...

August 14, 2019

People seeking relationship help come to therapy thinking one of three things: (1) they think they are doing something wrong or feel they need to work on their personal issues, (2) they voice complaints about their...

July 1, 2019

Perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned about sustainable relationships is this: People have a tendency to confuse the need to work on their relationship with the actual need to work on themselves.[1]

Because p...

March 29, 2019

We’ve all found ourselves here at one point or another: We give another person (often an authority figure, but it can be anyone we meet or know) more credit than they later prove to deserve only to feel shocked, bli...

How do we shift from a phase of unity and harmony in our relationships to embracing diversity? How do we be our true selves with another person who is different from us?

Every relationship has two handshakes: one above the table and one below. The first handshake is a conscious agreement between the two people, saying “We’re going to support each other, care for each other’s needs,...

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You Can't Get There From Here: Pathways to Emotional Intimacy in Relationship

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